Step aside Saboteur! You’re no match for me!
Angela Cox – Executive & Life Transition Coach
One of the biggest challenges my clients face is what’s known as ‘Self-Sabotage’.
I’m sure you can guess what it means, but to assist in your understanding let’s explore the action a little deeper.
What do we mean when we say self-sabotage?
Self-sabotage is the act of getting in our own way, whether that is our goals, relationships, or self-development. Many of us are not even aware that we are doing it, and its way more common that you might think.
To stop self-sabotage in its tracks we need to explore the reasons why it happens, and how we can stop it.
An example of self-sabotage in action
Imagine for a moment that you have recently started dating someone, things are going well, and you are really enjoying the moments you spend together. And yet, seemingly out of nowhere you start pushing them away.
Starting arguments over things that did not bother you in the beginning, stating all the reasons why you would make a terrible partner, how bad you are in relationships etc. If that sounds familiar, you are not alone in this behaviour.
The question is, why do we do it?
The reasons behind self-sabotage
- Lack of self-confidence and/or self-worth – Many of us have this voice in our head, the one that tells us we are not good enough, pretty enough, successful enough. When it rears its ugly head, it starts affecting our behaviour. We begin to believe what it is telling us, and we sabotage our own happiness out of a fear that we are not deserving of happiness after all.
- A need for control – Have you ever told yourself all the reasons why something won’t work, ahead of time, just in case you’re proved right? Very often we do this because we want to be in control of our failure, and our feelings. We self-sabotage because it feels easier than letting go and stepping into the unknown.
- A fear of failure or success – Sometimes we self-sabotage because we worry that we will try our hardest and it still will not work out. Or, that it will work, and we will be successful. Both of these outcomes can feel scary. Either because we are not comfortable with failure, or we fear success and the changes it will bring to our life. So, we stop short before it happens.
Stopping self-sabotage in its tracks – 3 top tips
- Challenge your shackling assumptions – Ask yourself, where is the evidence for this assumption? You will probably be surprised to learn that there is not any. Replace your shackling assumption with a true and liberating one – ‘I am worthy of good things’.
- Embrace the unknown – Think about the moments you have learnt the most, laughed the most or loved the most. They are the same moments you stepped outside your comfort zone and faced the possibility of failure. If we never fail, we cannot learn, and we will not grow.
- What if it does work out – Revel in it! You are stepping into a new stage in your life, and you deserve to be here. You would not tell a friend to stop before the finish line, downplay their achievements, or curb their happiness when life is going well so why say it to yourself?
Legal Notice & Links
Angela Cox operates under her own business, which you can find here.
Longhurst Limited does not accept any legal or financial responsibility for the services Angela Cox provides.
Behaviour Life coaching is not regulated by the Financial Conduct Authority.